I've always wanted to have a place to put down my thoughts. I've struggled with the idea of just putting my thoughts out there for many years. For a few years in my adulthood I was privately doing a video diary on my old mac desktop about my dating life and the odd experiences that followed. My life before 2016 was, for the most part, uneventful. It wasn't until I got my butt out in the online dating world when my life began to shape into something legitimate. Which sounds silly, I know. But before I started dating, I was shy, and insecure about my image (still am), I was a lost and confused puppy with a lot of potential. I just didn't know where to start. So, apparently online dating was the solution, who knew? I put myself out there with a naive outlook and high hopes. Let me tell you, there were a lot of duds. I had to kiss many frogs to get to a prince. They weren't all bad. And I'm sure I'll eventually reveal all my funny and hilariously embarrassing tales on this blog because, why not?

Ultimately, after going through a lot of heartbreak and freaking weird situations I've gotten myself in, those experiences helped me grow. I changed for the better in the end. Yes, I struggled with a lot of issues of distrust and depression throughout these last few years especially. But, that's life. You can't always go through happy experiences all the time. It took me a long time to just embrace my shitty past. I had to let go of the anger and bitterness to grow and move on to a better and brighter future. I couldn't let all the shitty men who hurt me ruin my future because I was dwelling on too many loss causes and broken promises. Life is too short to be broken for so long over some silly....boy. So I kept getting back out there, I wanted to see what the world had to offer for me. And so I just lived my life. With no strings attached for awhile. I forced myself to believe I didn't need love. Love could wait. I wasn't going to sit and wait forever for something that may never appear. What a waste of time. And as luck would have it, I found it. I found love. At the most unexpected time in my life. At a very awkward and self liberating time in my life. I truly didn't even attempt to seek it. It just appeared. Life works beautifully like that sometimes. Good things really do come to those who wait.

And if I'm being honest? I never lost complete hope. That little light inside my heart was still patiently waiting and hoping. I never wanted to let that sliver of hope completely die out. I think it would of changed me completely, and this time not for the better. That little ray of hope led me to the happiness I have now. I have found someone who loves me for me. Loves all my weird ass quirks and sass. I found someone who loves me even though I work 50+ hours a week. I found someone who loves me even though I have odd obsessions with Korean pop music, silent films, and watching and quoting copious amounts of RuPaul's Drag Race episodes. I found someone who loves my dumb jokes and has the same type of humor as me. I'm just happy. I can't believe I am even able to say this right now. I lost so much faith after so many let downs. So many nights of crying over people who don't matter. And now? I feel complete. I feel like my complete self again. A feeling which I haven't felt since my senior year of high school....which mind you was many moons ago. And so now, in this point in my life, is where the journey truly can begin. It's not to say you can't go on journeys on your own. I'm all for independent women slaying their life and being all empowering BUT I'm so ready to take on the world with a partner in crime. Steven always wants to go on adventures with me. He's always willing to try new things with me, go to new places, explore, be cheesy and cliche with me. He's perfect for me. Never give up hope in people. There are seven billion people in this world, get out there and get to know some :) 

-SKM

one of our first photos together